Why I refuse to date (and why that’s totally okay)

I have dated. I have been around. But, to be honest, I have not been on a date in just over a year. That is a record for me. And also, I quite enjoy it. I am also not in a rush to get back into a relationship. Why is that?

It seems that in our society, it is expected that people date, get married, have kids. That seems sort of boring to me. Where is the adventure in that when everything becomes so commonplace and so every day.

This past year is the first year in quite some time when I have been single, truly single. I have not been in a relationship or getting out of a relationship. The past year has been quite refreshing. I have some friends that feel the need to always be in a relationship or are always thinking about guys. I am so above that and so over that. My life is not any less for not being involved with someone or being almost involved with someone. In all honesty, I am far too selfish to be in a relationship right now. Sure, everyone is getting married now, but are they truly happy? Can anyone genuinely be happy right now. I for one am still figuring myself out. How can people commit the rest of their lives to someone else? I do not even know what I want for lunch tomorrow. And, not to mention, many of my favorite travel blogs are single as well. I’m caught between a rock and a hard place with this one.

I feel like my ideal mate will be someone who I met at a vineyard or while I was busy traveling. There are 7 billion people in this world. At the end of the day it all comes down to one. And how do I know that that one is not living in the UK or Costa Rica. Or Nicaragua?

I have dated just about every kind of guy you can imagine.

  1. The Narcissist- Kevin Corneau…he was, well, a psychopath. I’d rather not go into details.
  2. The player-Jonathan Okoye
  3. The pushover-Jordan Gaillard
  4. The heartthrob-Hunter (I only knew him as Hunter) Sexy name, isn’t it?

Come to think of it, I think the only type of guy I have not dated is the mamma’s boy. I have had such bad experiences with men. Men not appreciating me. Men disrespecting me. Men abusing me. Men not listening to me that it has made it really hard to trust.

Additionally, I have made some really bad choices when it comes to men or at least my taste in them. Just look at the list above. When I am dating a guy, suddenly I loose myself and they become the most important thing. I stop focusing on myself and focus on them. I become needy, clingy, for all intents and purposes, obsessed…guys have dictated what I do for so long. But, no more.

Now I do not need to feel guilty for living my life or doing what makes me happy. I do not need to feel like I can’t be selfish, like I have to give up what makes me happy or what makes me me to please someone else. Kevin was, for one thing selfish and thought the world revolved around him. It’s finally good to be free. Sometimes, I’ll admit that it does get lonely. I always thought I would be married by now, a large wedding and kids. But, if there is one thing that I have learned about life it is that it does not always go according to plan, and maybe that is a good thing.

I refuse to date, because traveling is way better.


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